Do it for the....

This week I will get closer to uploading my book, Gala, to Amazon and get my proof. Yep. I'm going to do it, even though I have had moments of doubt recently. Why do it?

1) Mark, my husband, said do it.
2) My friends said do it.
3) Some friends and family have taken the time to read and do a light edit, I need to respect their time.
4) I paid for a cover.
5) I paid for a pro edit.
6) My daughter is writing her own books and I need to model publishing for her (like Jeanie James said in the last post comment).
7) I said I would and I need to be true to my word.
8) I always wanted to do this. Why stop now? What do I have to lose?

I was procrastinating last night and saw a news article about a Viner who has become a star due to millions of teenage girl fans. Shawn Mendes has a new song on You Tube that I listened to. I didn't like the song much, but the lyrics inspired me! The irony jolted me - here I was surfing the internet, avoiding working on my novel while this kid singing about not being ordinary, risking making mistakes, taking a shot even if it scary! I woke this morning with my to do list clear.

So this week I will try to wrap up the formatting and probably read it one last time. I am getting closer and closer to being ready. Everyday I do something on this book, all those little things add up! When it will be available on Amazon, I don't know exactly - Nicole, my editor will read the hardcopy once more in case there are any final edits, but hopefully it is pretty close.

Beautiful Away

I had a month away from home. A month at my old home. The place where I grew up. With my family.

And now - jet lag. Appreciation of what was. Marveling at the speed of it. The indulgence of it. Loving my old life with fresh eyes.

Yes, it is always good to get away, to have a lovely time all the while letting the break build appreciation for the life created at home.

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The editing is done on my book, thank you Nicole Watson, she understood my writing and cleaned it up without changing my voice. Priceless really. Now I am formatting my manuscript again for the CreateSpace template. It could have been done by now, but honestly I am dragging my cold feet.

Why? I don't know, something to do with putting myself out there, being bare, reading too many one star Amazon reviews on other books and knowing the boldness of people who would tear you to pieces while they drink their morning coffee. It would be easier to stay home and keep my ideas to myself. It would be easier to write a story for my friends who are delighted that I did it and supportive of my efforts.

Oh, I don't know, something to do with putting myself out there, being bare, realizing that, worse than criticism, the audience may be mute, indifferent, absent. I am a people person. I have never had a strong internal motivation drive. I am a 'clean the house in 30 minutes if a friend says she is on her way' kind of person. I have always worried about turn out at a party. For me to put on a party where no one shows is one of my life's big horrors! I remember when I was 4 hiding on the attic stairs waiting for my birthday party to start and feeling a deep relief when the doorbell finally chimed. It meant that at least someone came. I like a big party. But I know I need a big invite list to get a few people to show up. For this book, in the grand scheme of things, I don't even have a small invite list! As it is today, I don't really want to do the things I should to market my book, to get an audience to read my story. How can someone read a book they don't know about? And given that will the silence ruin my fragile motivation to keep writing? Can I keep doing this just for me?

Yes, I guess I have old fashioned stage fright. Nothing new in the world. Just my version of it and as I am publishing the book myself I have no deadline. I have no one telling me I have to do this or do that. Here in lies freedom, but also the problem. And in that freedom I am dragging my cold feet.