The need to rest
I get nervous when I rest. I am afraid that I am falling behind, a feeling I don't like. It is a hard state for me to not feel guilty about - I think 'oh, all this time away and what have I accomplished?' It is so hard to put that pattern of thinking to rest.
I know intellectually that I must lie fallow for a while so that I am ready to return to work when I get home. But I have had to convince myself to believe that I need a rest. A rest from my to do lists. A rest from my busy life.
I think that I have done a slightly better job of resting this year than in the past, even thought it has taken me 4 weeks to wind down. My Mum does the cooking and laundry while we are here in her house (she has a lovely servant's heart and takes such joy in caring for her family), so we have filled up our days with walks and sight seeing and many other fun family things. It is a different kind of busy, family memory making busy, so it has contributed somewhat to my sense of rest.
On this, our last week of our visit to Ireland, I am trying to take sometime for me. Me alone. Some time to reflect on the past year and plan for the coming year; to take stock of the purpose for my life as a mother, an educator, as an author, an artist and friend. What do I want to accomplished by this time next year?
My trusty journal holds some ideas and notes and a few new projects are brewing. I have been reading the fab blog 'Visionary Mom', letting the ideas percolate.
I am finding
space for my mind to grow
time for ideas to flourish,
for creativity to well up and overwhelm me
I need this
I need this